I want to tell my wife that I’m finally making headway on my addiction to porn.
I’ve been masterbating since I can remember. Since before my body even knew to make sperm. Literally before I can remember and EVERY SINGLE DAY. When I was 5 in kindergarten I would be thinking of this girl named Marrisa that I liked and that’s really when the desire to focus on a woman to get off came about. Seeing as I’m already going full anonymous I might as well Viral Jatt be totally transparent. I did some wierd shit I guess and would pretend my stuffed bear was her and hold a conversation, and then usually where I saved her (the bear) from bad people and she was so grateful that she’d oogle over me. I didn’t understand that girls would eventually be the ones to touch me and make me feel good, I just instinctively knew that those we loved romantically must be linked to the feeling coming from my groin when I rubbed myself. Strange I guess.
It’s really fucked up when you think about it. I didn’t learn any of the behavior from anywhere, I just grew up with an instantly crazy drive for orgasms (would use sex, but I didn’t even know what that meant that young).
That being said, I’ve watched porn since I knew how to type “boobies” into what ever search engine it used to be before google. To give perspective that’s been….i don’t even know. A super long time. YEARS of watching porn and even longer masturbating. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Well, porn almost everyday. I’d go on a limb and say for sure from the ages of about 12–19 definitely every single day except for maybe a couple days of exception, but I always could make do with Victoria secret catologs that my sisters and mom got in the mail, male enhancement adds in magazines I had with some sexy broad on it caressing a dudes chest, some sexy rolling stone covers, man you name it. Masturbation definitely ever day since I can remember until I met my wife and actually started really committing and her staying multiple days, but replacing masturbation with sex…I mean, I was still getting off every day. Sometimes I would masturbate when she left even though we just had sex. Anyways, that’s probably about at LEAST 16 years of masturbating everyday.
Some probably think I’m exaggerating. You probably think “oh this is anonymous so it’s probably exaggerated like many other answer talking about a smoking hot teacher giving blowjobs and all that crazy shit”. Sadly though, this is no exaggeration.
My wife is southern and kind of a commitment freak. She was mad that I had posters of bikini clad women in my room because I was looking at other women who were half naked. The officially expressed that she thought watching porn was a form of cheating once we started talking about engagement. Since then it’s been kind of a dark secret I have kept from her for a long time. I’ve told her that I used to be addicted to porn, because I wanted to share that with her, but didn’t have the balls to admit I still was.
I don’t masturbate every day anymore, in fact it’s pretty far between and used mostly just when sex is more limited or non frequent. I’ve been committed to not watching porn for quite some time, since she expressed she thought it was cheating really. I’ve made good headway. I relapse quite often, but I tend to only look at porn once or twice a month now. I’m currently a month without watching porn. It’s easier now than ever.
I want to tell her how far I’ve come. I want to hear how proud of me she is. I want her to know that I’ve been trying so hard behind the scenes to constantly improve myself for her. It’s hard as fuck man. Years of doing the same things every day. Years of pleasing myself to naked women getting railed in all various types of ways by a man, men, lady, ladies, machines, dildos, shamefully dogs and a few horses during my freakiest runs. Sometimes even some animated shit, freaky bondage, glory holes, I’ve played some sexy online games (some are fucking hard man, shits no joke…JUST TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF ALREADY)….shit man. Any way a women can be sexually stimulated or stimulate a man until he cums, I’ve seen it ALL.
Years of that shit. I’m so close. I’m trying so hard. One day I’ll rid myself of this shit. One day I’ll be free.
To clarify, my wife checks my Viral Jatt from time to time. That’s why I’m writing anonymously.